my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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