Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's like a pop up book from hell.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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