Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
