So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
