All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can Purell be used as lube?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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