Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
