She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
