Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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