I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
