There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
