Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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