Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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