Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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