Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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