i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
