I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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