I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
