I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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