I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dicks are not precious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
