You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
