I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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