as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As shirtless as possible
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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