just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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