So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
