You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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