Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
