Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
