so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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