By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
high people should be assigned attendants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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