my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
