I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
