she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
