my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
