found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
