I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
