You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
