porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
