I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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