yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
