Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize