I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
