Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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