A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
