You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize