one might say we're banned from that church
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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