Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
