why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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