I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
