you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize