I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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