my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
