Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize