Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
