what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My ass is underappreciated
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
