I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
