I puked a lego.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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