oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
