she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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