The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
