Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
