And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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