Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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