i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I seem to have left my pride at pride
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
