Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
